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Building Self-Esteem

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Questions and Answers

How can I build my self esteem?

I feel so worn out most days. I need to really, really build or increase my self worth or importance. How can I get to appreciating my self and stop my self conscious or aware.

Posted by aristotlelus
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Self-esteem: Boost your self-image with these 5 steps
Cognitive behavior therapy techniques can help you unlearn thought patterns that contribute to low self-esteem. See examples of thoughts that can erode self-esteem and learn healthy substitutes.
Low self-esteem can negatively affect virtually every part of your life, including your relationships, your job and your health. But you can raise your self-esteem to a healthy level, even if you're an adult who's been harboring a negative self-image since childhood.
Changing the way you think about yourself and your life is essential to boosting self-esteem. Cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) techniques are especially helpful in changing unhealthy thinking and behavior patterns. These techniques are based on the idea that your feelings and behavior result from how you think about yourself and your life. CBT techniques can help you recognize, challenge and ultimately replace negative thoughts or inaccurate beliefs with more positive, realistic ones.
These five steps toward healthy self-esteem are based on cognitive behavior therapy principles. As you go through these five steps, jotting down your thoughts, experiences and observations in a journal or daily record may help you use these steps more effectively.
Step 1: Identify troubling conditions or situations
Think about what conditions or situations about your life you find troubling and that seem to deflate your self-esteem. You may wish to change aspects of your personality or behavior, such as a fear of giving a business presentation, frequently becoming angry or always expecting the worst. You may be struggling with depression, a disability or a change in life circumstances, such as the death of a loved one, a lost promotion or children leaving home. Or you may wish to improve your relationship with another person, such as a spouse, family member or co-worker.
Step 2: Become aware of beliefs and thoughts
Once you've identified troubling conditions or situations, pay attention to your thoughts related to them. This includes your self-talk — what you tell yourself — as well as your interpretation of what a situation means and your beliefs about yourself, other people and events. Your thoughts and beliefs may be positive, negative or neutral. They may be rational — based on reason or facts — or irrational — based on false ideas.
Step 3: Pinpoint negative or inaccurate thinking
Your beliefs and thoughts about a condition or situation affect your reaction to it. Inaccurate or negative thoughts and beliefs about something or someone can trigger unhealthy physical, emotional and behavioral responses, including:
Physical responses, such as a stiff neck, sore back, racing heart, stomach problems, sweating or change in sleeping patterns.
Emotional responses, such as difficulty concentrating or feeling depressed, angry, sad, nervous, guilty or worried.
Behavioral responses, such as eating when not hungry, avoiding tasks, working more than usual, spending increased time alone, obsessing about a situation or blaming others for your problems.
Step 4: Challenge negative or inaccurate thinking
Your initial thoughts may not be the only possible way to view a situation. So test the accuracy of your thoughts. Ask yourself whether your view of a situation is consistent with facts and logic or whether there might be other explanations.
You may not easily recognize inaccuracies in your thinking. Most people have automatic, long-standing ways of thinking about their lives and themselves. These long-held thoughts and beliefs feel normal and factual to you, but many are simply opinions or perceptions.
These kinds of thought patterns tend to erode self-esteem:
All-or-nothing thinking. You see things as either all good or all bad. For example, "If I don't succeed in this job, I'm a total failure."
Mental filtering. You see only negatives and dwell on them, distorting your view of a person or situation or your entire life. For example, "I made a mistake on that report and now everyone will realize I'm a failure."
Converting positives into negatives. You reject your achievements and other positive experiences by insisting that they don't count. For example, "My date only gave me that compliment because he knows how bad I feel." "I only did well on that test because it was so easy."
Jumping to negative conclusions. You reach a negative conclusion when little or no evidence supports it. For example, "My friend hasn't replied to my e-mail, so I must have done something to make her angry."
Mistaking feelings for facts. You confuse feelings or beliefs with facts. For example, "I feel like a failure, so I must be a failure." No matter how strong a feeling is, it isn't a fact.
Self put-downs. You undervalue yourself, put yourself down or use self-deprecating humor. This can result from overreacting to a situation, such as making a mistake. For example, "I don't deserve anything better." "I'm weak, stupid or ugly."

How can I build my self esteem?

I have a really really low self estheem. Whenever someone looks at me, all I could think about is the fact that they might notice my flaws. I had people tell me im pretty and stuff but I HONESTLY never believe it. I actually do think im ugly. I was bullied from 4th-8th grade, I guess it affects me. Im now going to be a junior in high school and allot of the guys think im gay because I never talk to them when the truth is I dont have the balls. Whenever one of them try to talk to me I always think his friends dared him or something. Help me buiild up my confidence. Also I have an accent, so Im scared of speaking in public because they always ask "where you from?" its annoying -.-

Posted by you're reading my name c(:
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Build your self esteem from small part and consistent. You can't build your confidence over night.
Focus on your self esteem problem one by one. For example :
your accent. This must be your first priority. You have to talk everyday, you need to talk to someone.
So the solution is this:
1. Collect any kind of questions especially when people giving a reaction to your accent.
2. Prepare all the answer as best as you can. Make a funny answer if possible, it could be your strength, people will like you if you like your self. I have some friends who have unusual accent, but they become popular because of their accents. Use it.

How can I build more self-esteem?

I feel really low at the moment and don't want to as it's Christmas…

Posted by caretoshare2000
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I have the same problem. I am going through a tough time now, and, just like you, I don't want to.
But I realise I have felt this like this even when times weren't so tough!
I seem to have such a deeply installed need for the approval of other people.
I know there are some things I can do which would give me a sense of accomplishment, even privately. They are hard, and I feel lazy in winter.
I think we all have a mental list of such things; things we are capable of doing but keep putting them off. They can be anything from finishing some dusty 15 year old project that had us so excited once, to doing other people (strangers, neighbours or even family members) a big special favour or two. Or just making that long promised visit or phone call to a family member we would prefer not to make, yet it would cheer them up so much.
It is no good following the advice "Look in the mirror each day and tell yourself you are beautiful and worthy of love and respect" because you know you are lying to yourself. How can that work?
The only way to feel beautiful, loved and worthy of respect is to go out and act.
People who quit smoking; people who conquer massive fears; people who eventually win the Nobel Prize have all put effort and will-power into accomplishing their goals.
But the sad thing is, those highs quickly fade. Once you've done IT and feel all good about yourself, the glory starts to fade.
The higher you climb, the deeper you fall.
So it is an on-going effort. Something you build on, the way dedicated athletes build themselves up to constantly try one step better, one step forward.
Sure, most of us feel life is about one step forward and then two steps backward, but the trick is to learn how you moved forward and remember the lesson, and to not beat yourself up about moving back.
An example could be the humble little dung beetle. The little guy carries a weight far larger than himself, trying to push, pull or force it home. Feeling so good about it all, he encounters obstacle after obstacle that topple him and send his ball of dung way back on the hard path. But he never gives up.
If he does get it home, he will rest and then go out and face yet another struggle.
Basically that is life.
You can't rest on your laurels for too long, you have to keep accepting the challenges.
It doesn't matter if you fail, what matters most, when it comes to self-esteem is giving it your best shot, and if you fall, once, twice or a hundred times, you get up and you brush yourself off. Then you take some time to contemplate. You decide to try a new tactic and persevere, or you see you are now at a point where maybe choosing another path would be better.
So do something that will make you feel good!
Look at the mental list you carry in your head that has all those things on it that make you feel bad, and choose one or two to change.
Go out and volunteer your time with people who are more miserable than you; the homeless or orphans, or visit little kids or the elderly in hospitals or homes.
Just as you know what things you don't like about yourself, so you must know what things you like. Or what other people like and value about you. Use them! Tune into them and give them freely to other people.
Whatever you do, keep smiling. And never feel so down about your own self that you become blind to other suffering too.
You may become so absorbed in your feelings of low self-esteem that you won't see others are going through their own versions of it. It could be a good friend who is always smiling but needing a shoulder to cry on deep inside.
It is funny we call it SELF esteem, because it doesn't actually come from the self!
It comes from ignoring the self and seeing it in others.
Having said all that, I wish you a lovely Christmas time and a very Happy New Year, because I think you deserve it!

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Eliminate Self Doubt And Build Self Esteem

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